WTFWPT&GD?: 06/01/2005

Budweiser, 36 of em will do it to you everytime...

This guy likes Monkeys...

Monkeys:

I like monkeys.

The pet store was selling them for 5¢ a piece. I thought that odd since they were normally a couple thousand each. I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth. I bought 200. I like monkeys.

I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one drive. His name was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really bright. They kept punching themselves in their genitals. I laughed. Then they punched my genitals. I stopped laughing.

I herded them into my room. They didn't adapt very well to their new environment. They would screech, hurl themselves off of the couch at high speeds and slam into the wall. Although humorous at first, the spectacle lost its novelty halfway into its third hour.

Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive: they all died. No apparent reason. They all just sorta' dropped dead. Kinda' like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later. Damn cheap monkeys.

I didn't know what to do. There were 200 dead monkeys lying all over my room, on the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase. It looked like I had 200 throw rugs.

I tried to flush one down the toilet. It didn't work. It got stuck. Then I had one dead, wet monkey and 199 dead, dry monkeys.

I tried pretending that they were just stuffed animals. That worked for a while, that is until they began to decompose. It started to smell real bad.

I had to pee but there was a dead monkey in the toilet and I didn't want to call the plumber. I was embarrassed.

I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them. Unfortunately there was only enough room for two monkeys at a time so I had to change them every 30 seconds. I also had to eat all the food in the freezer so it didn't all go bad.

I tried burning them. Little did I know my bed was flammable. I had to extinguish the fire.

Then I had one dead, wet monkey in my toilet, two dead, frozen monkeys in my freezer, and 197 dead, charred monkeys in a pile on my bed. The odor wasn't improving.

I became agitated at my inability to dispose of my monkeys and to use the bathroom. I severely beat one of my monkeys. I felt better.

I tried throwing them way but the garbage man said that the city wasn't allowed to dispose of charred primates. I told him that I had a wet one. He couldn't take that one either. I didn't bother asking about the frozen ones.

I finally arrived at a solution. I gave them out as Christmas gifts. My friends didn't know quite what to say. They pretended that they like them but I could tell they were lying. Ingrates. So I punched them in the genitals.

I like monkeys

Arm our Pilots, prevent terrorism!

Armed Pilot

WTF, Vagina Biting Dog!

Video - Vagina Biting Dog - Hosted at FileCabi.net: What is wrong with this dog's owner? I mean, WTF? Some people are friggin oblivious...

And then I was searching for someone "jogging"

Jogging

So, I was searching for some "crap"

Crap

Quotations on every topic, by every author, and in every fashion possible

quoteland.com: Ok, we're not totally brainless. This is a pretty good site if you need to steal a quote every now and then.

Subservient Chicken

Subservient Chicken: This is wierd shit... give this chicken commands like "flap your wings" or "stand on your head" and he'll do what you say...

I gotta get me one of these!

Banana Guard

Pssttt.. Hey you.. Mr. Locus.. This is your asshole speaking to you... Do you know what time it is?

Smoke it!

Hilarious advertisements for Dog Dick Lager

Dr. TOXiC's Skunk Farm

At first I thought this was sick... then I found myself laughing uncontrollably!

The Fart Queen - Jokaroo.com

Pube Shampoo - Greg, your pubes look great!

Pube Shampoo - Jokaroo.com: Friggin hilarious video. I believe this was a SNL skit.

Say what again you green mutha fucka!

IFILM - Viral Videos: Samuel L. Jackson vs Yoda: LMFAO!!!

Last Supper Collection

Warning, you could go to HELL if you laugh at anything on this site...

Crying, while eating videos...

Crying, while eating: Why?

The Darth Side: Memoirs of a Monster

Read Darth Vader's Blog: Of a more interesting note, take note of the ads at the top of this blog. Pretty cool to get paid if all you need to do is generate web traffic... you BITCHES need to step it up and get creative!

This video is a riot!

Putfile.com: Also, we should check this site out for hosting some of our larger files for FREE! (Putfile is a network of managed Linux dedicated servers. Learn more about our dedicated service, and then put your own files. Fast dual Xeon dedicated servers with zero downtime!)

Random Web Search - Wasting your time more efficiently

Random Web Search: Finally, the website I've been looking for...

anti leech script creator

isnoop.net mod_rewrite anti leech script creator: Yet another cool tool. A script generator that will block people from leeching your images and allow permissable domains such as images.google.com. Now, if I can only figure out how to put it in my site...

Strip Snagger v3.0

isnoop's Comics.com Strip Snagger v3.0: Damn, this is a cool tool as well, snag all your favorite comics and have them emailed to you daily. Say goodbye to black ink fingers. isnoop.net is kicking ass here.

Play with my magnetic words

isnoop.net's fridge 2.1. Play with my magnetic words.: This is pretty nifty. You can be a refrigerator poet at the same time others are doing it as well. When I was on it, there were 10 active "poets".

The Death Clock - When Am I Going To Die?

The Death Clock - When Am I Going To Die?: Well, per the death clock, I'm dead on Friday, November 12, 2049. That's 44 more years so I'll be in my mid 70's. Man, that's bullshit!

This site is great, full of Jim Carrey video clips

JIM CARREY ONLINE - Video Clips Website

The Roxbury Guys: This clip is hilarious...

Compfused.com - Notice Anything Strange?

Compfused.com - Notice Anything Strange?
Mildly NSFW

SeeMeRot.com :: Live Coffin Cam ::

SeeMeRot.com: Live Coffin Cam: WTF. Just thinking about this gives me the willies... yet I'm drawn to check it out.

Killer Japanese Seizure Robots!

Killer Japanese Seizure Robots!: This site nearly killed me...

: > )

Canada to the rescue, here comes Battleship Canada!

OWNED

Proof that Girls are Evil...

Your search - french military victories - did not match any documents.

french military victories

Kitten Cannon...

ok, we've probably all seen this one before... but it continues to draw me back...

Pull my finger!

FFFtttwwhheetttt

Mr Miyagi says "Catch a fly BITCH"

flysui

This is cool as hell... Battleship!

Battleships - General Quarters II

Daylight comes and we drop'e de bomb..

Airplaine comes and we drop the bomb... Come Mr Taliban turn over Bin Laden

Oh my God, the friggin mother lode here... Delta Airlines

allthingsflash.com - flash games, cartoons, movies, fun, etc.: This was one of the funniest audio files I ever heard a couple of years ago... had no idea someone had put flash animation to it.

Spider-Man will make you Gay if you watch this... beware...

allthingsflash.com - flash games, cartoons, movies, fun, etc.: Spidey Sense, whammo, you're Gay!

Star Wars Gangsta Rap

allthingsflash.com - flash games, cartoons, movies, fun, etc.: We got Death Star!

Kumbaya Osama, you sick fucker...

allthingsflash.com - flash games, cartoons, movies, fun, etc.: This is awesome... Fuck, I just got blown up!

Headshots Baby!

allthingsflash.com - flash games, cartoons, movies, fun, etc.: Cool shooter

Everyone has had more Sex than me...

allthingsflash.com - flash games, cartoons, movies, fun, etc.: Dancing Rabbits... I love it!

POTATOES

allthingsflash.com - flash games, cartoons, movies, fun, etc.: Boil em, mash em, stick em in a stew!

Classic Breakout

allthingsflash.com - flash games, cartoons, movies, fun, etc.

The Prime Number Shitting Bear

Alkulukuja Paskova Karhu: I have no fucking clue what this site is supposed to be about, but since when does that matter?

Pssstt.. Hey you.. Down here.. This is your bunion speaking.. You know what time it is..

Refresh the page to get a different humping pic!

This guy's site is cracking me up! www.ihumpthings.com

Come play with me... Feathers tickle!

AXE FEATHER

ihumpthings.com

ihumpthings.com: "A Brief Description of ihumpthings.com

This site is like nothing you've seen before. Most sites have some sort of structure, a theme, and this site is no different. But rather than ask for pictures of women flashing and ugly people, I'm asking for pictures of people humping objects.

Everyday I wake up and look around and see things that would be good for humping. It may be a Jaguar, or a sign post, or a pool table in a crowded bar. Please understand that this is not some weird sexual fetish. It is merely to awaken the senses of the people around you. If you think about it, humping things is culturally forbidden in our society. And the joy of humping something comes from the reaction of unsuspecting citizens. The shock factor makes it all worth the risk. So send me a picture and a brief story and help me make another useless site on the web."

A Gamers' Manifesto

A Gamers' Manifesto: "The Sony Playstation 3 is going to cost $465.00. "

Internet Traffic Report Around the Globe

Internet Traffic Report: This is pretty cool. I can't apply it to one G-Damn thing, but still...

8Bit Joystick.com: How to Burn Xbox Games and Copy Protected CDs

Computer Stupidities: Calls From Hell

Computer Stupidities: Calls From Hell: "They're bound to terrorize all tech support personnel sooner or later -- the call from hell. These are calls from people without a clue in their heads. They call tech support lines and refuse to get off until the tech support staff members on the other end have lost all remnants of their sanity. The callers invariably exhibit both incompetence and belligerence, either of which is fully capable of driving even the strongest to the height of frustration or the brink of frenzied hysteria. The content of these calls is a conglomeration of computer stupidities of every variety, glued together with so thick a haze of idiocy, it will cause instant and complete gray hair to anyone remotely associated. Be forewarned."

Bitch, Make Me a Sandwich

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

RoboDump 1.0

Bwaahaaahaaa! Great sound effects; check out the mirrors.

I make a good cup of coffee... Wake Yo'self!

BlogTelevision.net

How about a blowjob?

BlogTelevision.net: How About A Blowjob?

The new Tai Bo...

Get it Big Man!: Courtesy of http://www.dragonscapes.net

YELLOW SNOW FROM PANLOGIC

This is gonna be good...

Ain't It Cool News: The best in movie, TV, DVD, and comic book news.: "I need to get a “holy shit” key put on my computer that I can hit when I see a movie like HERE COMES BATMAN. Basically, this movie rounds up the last four BATMAN movies, chain-whips them, and then kicks their balls into a sissy-forest.

Plus, there’s a whole new origin for Batman, one that doesn’t include neon in the shape of the word ‘GAY’. Imagine a two-hour prison pounding done with the lights out and part of the room on fire, with Katie Holmes in the middle of it, and you’ll start to get the idea."

Beefmaster at the ripe age of 40 (assuming pancreas failure has set in)

I can't wait for this, Peter Jackson's remake of King Kong!

Ain't It Cool News: The best in movie, TV, DVD, and comic book news.: KONG's face and a moving Rex... Oh my!

Man, I miss this age...

Wrong video, kids go crazy!

The Lemon: History Of The Internet

The Lemon: History Of The Internet: Yet another bust on Al... poor bastard.

Doo Do Dooo Da Do Dooo Do

Ain't It Cool News: "Quentin Tarantino to compose the next Axel F adventure in a new BEVERLY HILLS COP sequel?"

Hallefuckingleugah! Someone has figured it out!

Google It You Moron.

Jackson jury enters second week

I was a Political Science/Criminal Justice (Pre-Law) major in college. My take on the jury deliberations is pretty straight forward and in my professional opinion, right on mark. The jury has two major issues to deliberate. They are:

1. Jackson is a mentally sick, pathetically sad, 46 year old pedophile that lives in of all places, fucking Neverland.

2. Jackson is 47 years old
BBC NEWS | Entertainment | Jackson jury enters second week

Interesting article. Hard drives are getting massive.

BBC NEWS | Technology | Hard drives for 'terabyte lives'

Cottonmouth... gas... red eyes... dry skin...

On my way to the beach BITCHES!

Gay Star Trek

The lost Episode

Moron!

I can't find any commentary to fit this... so...

I'm dead serious, I want you now...

He's drawn to it... he can't stop recording!

Hey, the bear has a banana...wait, it's not a banana..

Lady and the Tram... Dirty shoe???

Funny IKEA commercial

I don't believe it...

Swiiiissshhhh!!!

Office Wrecker

Messaging Shorthand - Pretty comprehensive list here...

One of my favorites: AWGTHTGTTSA
NetLingo.com Dictionary of Internet Terms: Online Definitions & Text Messaging - Acronyms, Initialisms, & Text Shorthand

This site is an instant Classic!

PASSED OUT WOOKIES

5-Finger Fillet - This is some pretty sick stuff BITCHES!

13th Street Games

Some weird shit here people...

group hug // anonymous online confessions
"Last night, my girlfriend wanked me off, and I came over her arms and tits. She hated it, but I suppose I found it quite funny really. My next target is her face."

Do Not Try This At Home!

Russian Roulette

Numanuma - WTF

Numanuma

PookMail.com

PookMail.com

How to use PookMail.com

* Step 1
Instead of giving your real email address to every website on Earth, just make up an imaginary name for @pookmail.com.
Example: dontbotherme@pookmail.com
* Step 2
Wait for your email to arrive.
* Step 3
Login to PookMail.com by typing your imaginary email name (dontbotherme) into the login form, and click GO
* Step 4
After 24 hours, the email associated with your login name will be cleaned from the system.

Flashback!

Pop

Howstuffworks "How Xbox 360 Works"

I'm a true Optimist...

Bitter

I knew my PSP would come in handy at lunch hour!

Wired News: Call It the PlayStation Porn-Able

We just hired this guy for swings shift...

Chainsaw Massacre

Thank God this isn't going to Suck!

Harry with AintItCoolNews.com declairs that Batman Begins is something Remarkable

So, I fired my secretary today...

Yesterday was my 40th birthday and I wasn't feeling too good that morning. I went to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy Birthday!", and probably have a present for me.

As it turned out, she didn't even say good morning, let alone any Happy birthday. I thought, well, that's wives for you, the children will remember.

The children came in to breakfast and didn't say a word.

So when I left for the office, I was feeling pretty low and despondent.. As I walked into my office, my secretary Janet said, "Good morning, Boss. "Happy Birthday". And I felt a little better that someone had remembered. I worked until noon, then Janet knocked on my door and said "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside, and it's your birthday, let's go to lunch, just you and me." I said, "By George, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. "Let's go!"

We went to lunch. We didn't go where we normally go; instead we went out to a private little place. We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously.

On the way back to the office, she said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day. We don't need to go back to the office, do we?" I said, "No, I guess not." She said, "Let's ! go to my apartment." After arriving at her apartment she said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I think I'll go into the bedroom and slip into something more comfortable"

"Sure!" I excitedly replied. She went into the bedroom and, in about six minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake ----- followed by my wife, children, and dozens of our friends, all singing Happy Birthday.

And I just sat there ----

on the couch ----

naked.

The Man Show boy - Getting a date

This kid has the biggest balls of them all!

Dane Cook does a Tom Cruise

Kick ass Tom Cruise Impression
WTF is wrong with Tom anyway? He's about to make it uncool for us to enjoy Tom Gun...
If you're wondering why this is funny, maybe you should check out Tom going ape shit on Oprah.