Smack!!! Bwaahaaahaaaaa!!!

Get the hell off my paper Bitch!

You don't know "Jack Schitt"!!!!

Know Jack Video

This image brings a smile to my face every time...

Fire torpedos Sulu!

I think this is the case for most people I know...

This IS your daddy...

PARENT - Job Description

POSITIONS : Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma and Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa

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JOB DESCRIPTION : Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities! Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

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RESPONSIBILITIES : The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

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POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION : None. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.

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PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE : None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

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WAGES AND COMPENSATION : Get this! You pay them ! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

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BENEFITS : While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.

Stay your ass out of the sun!

The Prison Bitch Name Generator

Rump Ranger!

WTF!

FLY

Why Golf needs more Women!

West Va. driver's license.

It's about friggin time! I'll be scouring the pillows on my couch for spare change...

gizmag Article: Logitech Delivers 5.1 Surround Sound Without the Cables

Apple Introduces diminutive iPod nano!

gizmag Article: Apple Introduces diminutive iPod nano

Let's call her Monica...

5 second chug, starting now!

To all you coffee bandits, this is for you as well!

The best STFU ever!

You're an asshole!

apple.com/bitch

Computer administrator with a gun...

Fucktard... that's my new word...

13 REASONS NOT TO DRINK, EVEN WITH FRIENDS

Absolutely hilarious pics!

I spanked the monkey at 238 mph!

Spank the Monkey!

Take me some place nice, some place expensive!

When I got home last night, my wife said "take me some place nice, some place expensive for a change!"

So I took her to the gas station.

Crazy Drunk Guy

Crazy Drunk Guy. This site is hilarious. Who has this kind of time?

Facts on Farts

This is required Reading People, http://www.heptune.com/farts.html!



Excerpt from http://www.heptune.com/farts.html:

Is it possible for a fart to kill you?

A great many of you have asked if farts can be fatal, or if you can die from smelling a particularly bad fart. My initial response to this question was "no," but I thought I'd better ask a doctor. So now it is official, the medical opinion I received is no, a fart can't kill you.
However, if you really work hard at it, you can manage to kill yourself with just about anything. I recently read of a man who hooked up his nose to his anus with a system involving a gas mask, rubber tubing and a hollow wooden post. He died of suffocation. This story comes from the Darwin Awards, and I personally cannot attest to the overall veracity of their stories.
The story of the bed-bound obese man who died from inhaling his own flatus (and whose farts almost killed the paramedics) is an urban legend that has been in circulation for some time.
But according to Buzzbomb43, whom I quote: "In World War Two, the Air Force estimates that around 1000 to 2000 airmen were killed because of flatulence. The reason is B-17 bombers were not pressurized, so when bomber crews operated around 20,000 feet, the gas would expand and rupture their intestines." Now, that is a nasty way to go!

Yet another site to pass by boredom...

shakeibabe - The Window Shaker

shakeibabe - The Window Shaker